comes in waves of just numbing sadness :[


not doing so great. lol can u tell?

we start school wednesday :[[[[ might help me to be around friends tho.

ugh i find that coldplay is my friend in my time of need lol


oh and love the song strawberry swing <3333 absolutly beautiful.

shopping again with mom tomorrow

andddddddddd might look at prom dresses :] would make me happier lol



so materialistic


ok ill just say one thing about him actual im going to say something to him (even tho he will never read this)


I just wish you would realize that we could be great together. No u realize that u just dont want a relationship. Which in my mind is silly because a relationship is where u start to find who u spend the rest of your life with. And we could be amazing <3


urggg ok now going to bed


love you my little nutanger-minions lol jk jk

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ok so first let me say i am the biggest idiot ever!



urggg ok so i was getting along fine with cass and all. And for some reason i thought i could change his mind and make him want a relationship. Right now he says he doesnt want a relationship and cant figure out his "feelings" (yeah i know total bs). So for some awful reason i got it in my head to wait and try and see if maybe we could work out.



and it seemed as if he kept giving me little hints of hope

and then saturday at work with shannon she got to talking to me. And i realized that everytime he talks about another girl it really hurts me. And everytime he smiles and hugs me it hurts me because i know that hes not "mine". yeah yeah yeah i know lame but true.

and of course i started crying at work. And i love shannon she really helped me and comforted me. So then i went home and talked to him. And pretty much I agreed that maybe we shouldnt be in a relationship. which exactly after i said it i regreted because i want to be in a relationship with him. I just want him to be in one with me too. I want him to want to work at making us work. I want the love and the attention and the understanding.

And all today every single stupid boy with brown hair at the mall made me upset and every stupid thing that reminded me of him made me think of him. And i cant talk to him because im so upset.


But in a way i dont regret saying it because i do believe i deserve the whole package of a relationship. And then i try to think of wanting that with someone else and i cant. And i have options too. I mean there are a few guys who have asked me out in the past month or so and ive said no.

but when me and him where talking last night. I mean he really hurt my feelings.

he said

"But I am just a phase to you right now."

"you are young and silly, and you can't make heavy decisions, or truely understand your feelings right now."

urgggggggggg tears again

ITS NOT FARE!!

then i texted jay and something is wrong with him. im going for a walk with him tomorrow. i love him to death hes a great friend and we used to date but we are really close like brother and sister.




ugh <3


o btw great crying song

"No air" by Jordin Sparks featuring Chris brown.

dont usually like hip hop but love this song

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okkay so i went to manchester last night (i drove woot woot go me!!!)


and cass was there and omg he started singing /sighs

ok this guy has like an awesome voice and plays guitar anddd piano :D

yep yep and i had a fun time there

got home at like 11 30

which was a little late but the rents didnt mind



ummmm


shopping tomorrow with shan and tyler and lauren :]

should be fun i need some new school close and fun stuff


<3333

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first time too lol woot woot go me!!!!!!


lol went over to jays house and cass was ther :[ lots of mixed emotions



i can drive by myself now!!!!!!!!!!!! yays

im going to work in the morning :] and im driving there



lol got lost going to jays house....... should have take me 10 minutes took me an hour and a half :[


im terrible with directions!!!!!!!

thinking about getting a tom tom thing or something

<33333

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hehe im going tomorrow morning for my driving test :D

i really want to pass my first time but if i dont ill get it the next time :]

Going shopping with my brother his g/f and her younger sister on sunday.


oh and i think my self confidence has taken a major hit.
I mean is there something wrong with me?

and i keep listening to songs that make me sad. mostly because they are about love/relationships lol and it makes me kinda wellllllll companionship-sick

:[

i just want the little things. and someone i know will be there for me emotionally.



too much to ask for?

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soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


me and cass

well just didnt work lol

it wasnt mutual and i still think we would be good together /shrugs

hes going after a druggy sex-aholic

so yeah...........................

talk to martin and we are friends :D wich i am very happy with


oh and i invited his g/f to come over to a movie night with everyone :]





umm water rafting tomorrow maybe

oh and my moms fiances son is here staying with us..... he is 19 but he look 13 and hes getting along great with my younger brother so yeah thats cool


going on a walk with my ex boyfriend/really good friend jay tomorrow

i really think i need someone to talk to and i think he would be a good person to do just that.

been practicing parallel parking and i think im getting better lol havent hit anything yet :p


mom says ill find someone lol i just hope its before prom this year ^-^

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